BIG DAD ENERGY
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Let's jump right in here today!
All I have ever wanted to be for as long as I can remember, Is a husband and a father. Sounds crazy, but I'm totally serious.
Just ask my wife. WAYYY too early on in our dating relationship, I let that little comment slip. It came out of my mouth almost in slow motion. The words popped out and I couldn't shut my lips in time to keep them in...
THANKFULLY, she wasn't turned off by the comment. 13 years of being together, 10 years of marriage and 2 kids, I'm living that dream. I think about that everyday and I'm grateful beyond belief...
But that doesn't mean that I am the perfect husband or father. I am FAR from it.
This article isn't a list of all the things that I can improve on (I talk about a handful of them here), and while there are MANY items that could go on that list, instead I wanted to share with you a SUPER simple strategy that I've been using recently to BE BETTER as a father and husband in an area I fall short. It's called "BIG DAD ENERGY".
I've heard this a handful of times over the years and from various sources, so the concept isn't new and it's not something that I came up with. I've taken what I've heard and simplified it down to work for me, so this is what I use and why I do it.
BIG DAD ENERGY - The WHY
I have two young girls right now, they are 5 and almost 3. As HARD as those ages are at times, I also want them to stay this old FOREVER...
Unfortunately they won't.
One day, they won't want to eat dinner with us because they'll be out with their friends
One day, they won't even be home with us because they'll be off at school
One day they'll live In another home with their significant other
One day, they will have their own kids and they'll be growing their own families
But I have them RIGHT NOW.
Right now, I get to be their super hero
They'll see behind the mask someday and realize I'm as human and flawed as everyone else, but right now, the sparkle in their eyes when I get home from work is EVERYTHING.
What I realized is that I was not living up to that role and honoring that moment when I get home to the best of my ability.
After long work days, coming inside, I felt exhausted and I SHOWED it.
I had been entering the house, dragging in my mood.
The separation between work and home didn't exist. It all rolled together.
If it was a bad day, I'd enter the house in a bad mood.
If I was tired, I'd enter visibly tired
If I was stressed, I'd respond accordingly
You get the point.
It wasn't fair to the girls or my wife.
Enter BIG DAD ENERGY.
BIG DAD ENERGY - The FORMULA
This Is NOT a fix all.
It won't always be possible
I won't always get it right
I'm not perfect
BUT, this is a start.
When I get home, I park in my driveway and give myself a few minutes to wrap things up on my phone.
📱 Texts, 📨 Slack, 📧emails, 📝 notes I needed to get out of my head, 🤷🏻♂️ whatever.
Maybe it's just finishing up a call I had on the drive.
When I'm wrapped up, this is the first step 👇
1️⃣ My phone goes on silent
Once my phone is completely on silent, not just vibrate, but actually silent, I move to the next step 👇
2️⃣ I open the garage
I'm now in the zone. I've switched off the work mind and I'm switching on the BIG DAD ENERGY
As I gather my things from the car and walk through the garage to the door into the house, I'm focusing on one thing👇
3️⃣ MAKING AN ENTRANCE
This is where the BIG DAD ENERGY comes in. I open the door and make a point to create a moment. I drop my bags, yell something like "DADS HOMEEEE" and run to grab the first child of mine I see. Then I grad the next one. In a great big bear hug I twirl them around and steal kisses from each of their cheeks.
And that's it.
It's a 30 second moment in time that I make a point to take fulllll advantage of.
When the excitement calms down, I still try to remain "on". This doesn't mean that I'm getting them all wound up right before bed time, but I'm being intentional about keeping my phone down and my attention on them.
It's not a fun number to calculate, but on my workdays, the amount of wake time I spend with them is in the 2 hour range when I get home.
And while I'm in the trenches trying to change that number, that's just how it is right now. I can either be super bummed about it OR figure out how to make the very best of the 2 hours I DO have. Thus, BIG DAD ENERGY
Final Note
It's easy to assume when people are talking about the awesome things they do to grow in whatever ways they're referencing, that they are really good at those things...
If they're talking about how they are working on an area of their life and have great ideas to get better and then are doing the things they need to do, they MUST know what they're talking about. They MUST be squared away... right?
Maybe, but also, maybe not.
I can't speak for anyone else, but I definitely don't have it figured out. Especially when it comes to parenting.
Everyday I feel that I am doing something that's going to mess them up in one way or another.
I'm on my phone too much, I snapped at them when they asked me a question, I was tired and didn't want to read to them, I gave in to a tantrum and let them have the crap food they wanted... the list goes on...
Instead of focusing on all the wrongs that build up in my head, I focus on a few things that REALLY matter.
I show them how much I love their mom. First and foremostI show them unconditional love. Nothing they can do will make me stop telling them thatI own my mistakes and show them that I am CONSTANTLY working to be better.
Once again, I don't always get even those three things right, but I sure try.
Until next time... Stay in the fight,
Kevin