Bounce Back Parenting
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Sometimes you’re just going to suck as a parent. I’m sorry.
Its not something that you want to hear. It’s not something that ANYONE wants to hear.
But It’s the truth.
I don’t know if it makes you feel any better, but I’m right there with you.
My wife and I both work.
That’s just how it has to be with this stage of life right now.
That’s how it is for most couples with young kids these days.
So when I’m at work, she’s at home in the trenches and when she’s at work, the roles are reversed.
It is A GRIND. But I won’t beat a dead horse, you already know that. You’re in the grind as well. I see you.
Those days at home when my wife’s at work are longgggg.
I wouldn’t trade that time at home with those girls for the world, BUT, that doesn’t mean they’re easy.
Stay at home parents DO NOT get enough credit. Period.
You have to be on ALL. THE. TIME. Especially if you have young kids.
You turn your head for 1/2 second and they’re at each others throats.
“Honey, give sister her toy back, she was playing with that” can only be said so many times…
And you can only let TV babysit so long before you start to feel bad about it.
It’s really easy to internalize these tough days and to take all the weight on yourself.
They’re your kids, it’s on your watch, your responsibility, you’re the one in charge…
The fact is that some days are going to be AMAZING and some days are going to be a total “suck fest”.
You’re not perfect.
You’re dealing with your own sh*t from day to day.
You’re own insecurities
Your own doubts
Fears
Anxiety’s
Dreams you’re chasing
Goals you have
Etc.
Parenting is not black and white. It’s layered and from time to time, you’re going to suck.
But here’s what you can you. Bounce back.
Bounce Back Parenting
When you snap, get frustrated, start using the tv or other electronics as a crutch, lose your temper, or any other situation where you feel like you’re not on your game;
Stop.
Accept that it was a suck fest
Admit to yourself that you can do better
Then put that in the past and in that VERY NEXT MOMENT, work on being better.
It’s as simple as it sounds, you just have to execute it.
Kids aren’t going to keep brining up the past and make you feel guilty about losing your cool or about something that you said.
YOU do that to YOURSELF.
Kids just want to love and feel loved.
They spell love T I M E.
So give it to them.
The more you dwell on what you said and how you said it, the more it will affect your ability to enjoy the CURRENT time you have with them.
There’s a book called The Family Board Meeting: You have 18 summers to create lasting connection with your children. This book really hits this point home.
You have a brief window of time with them before they become adults and start building their own families.
Sure, you’ll get to see them the rest of your life, but the time with them under your roof, day in and day out is completely front loaded when they’re kids.
Most take that for granite. I know I do at times.
Because life is hard.
Parenting is hard.
Work is hard.
The grind you’re in right now is hard.
But take a second.
Realize what I’m telling you about the hourglass draining on the time you have with them and allow yourself to bounce back and truly be in the moment with them.
That’s what this strategy allows for. Being in the moment.
Release yourself from what was said. That’s in the past.
Take your moment. Then move on and get back in the game.
This isn’t just a strategy for parenting, it’s a strategy to approach life.
You are not always going to handle the situation (whatever it might be) properly.
You’re not always going to keep your cool or act appropriately.
This doesn’t excuse you for being a mean person or crappy parent. This is a strategy to grow from the times that you are and not let it bleed into more of your life than it should.
If you snapped, try to find the very next moment you can you pull yourself out of the funk and change your mood.
You don’t HAVE to let it ruin your day, you choose to… or you choose not to.
You don’t HAVE to feel guilty about it and let that snowball into other situations, you choose to… or choose not to.
You don’t HAVE to ride the anger wave, you choose to… or choose not to.
It’s simple in theory and hard to do in practice. But as with everything, the more we do something, the easier it gets.
I guarantee you that bouncing back will be worth it every time.
I’ll leave you with this food for thought:
As doctors are said to be “practicing medicine”, I believe that parents should be said to be “practicing leadership”.
It’s interesting to think that as parents we are the least experienced when it’s the most difficult.
Or is it the most difficult because we are the least experienced?
Regardless, I hope you see that you are not on this battle alone and it gets better with time.
And as Ted Lasso’s mom says in the final season of the show:
“The thing about being a parent. Sometimes you lose and sometimes you win, but most of the time you just tie. All we can do is keep playin”